Fat Ass No More Vid

Fat Ass No More: Having a POLE lot of fun!

One RU Student's path to fitness.

original print : 12/9/08

It seems like a lifetime since I started on my odyssey of fitness and self-improvement; I've been at this since May. There's been a lot of blood, tears and Gatorade for me this year, but through it all I found myself bored. The only thing that changed in my fitness routine was that time I had less to work out.

Because of work, classes and ,of course the glorious paper you hold in your hands (or read on-line), fitness had taken a back seat.

I found my self bored and lacking inspiration. I was waking up in the morning, throwing on a work out DVD going to class, going to work then going to the gym if I had the time to spare. I bet you yawned reading that sentence, imagine that as your life for 3 months.

I consider myself a resourceful woman, and when I see a problem I like to attack it directly. I didn't want my boredom to give way to lethargy. I needed to shake up my fitness routine. I wanted something fun, something that would make me feel good as well as look good.

Like most of life's problems YouTube solved this one, I noticed a video attached to one of mine that I never noticed before. It was call Miss Pole Dance Australia 2006, in it a small red haired Aussie performed Cirque De Soleil like feats of acrobatics, flexibility and strength. I was mesmerized. It was right then I knew what I had to do. I needed to learn the art of the pole.

I'm not the first woman to come to this conclusion. Since the beginning of the sexual revolution women have been reclaiming "erotic" arts as their own. Practicing these acts help women to enjoy their bodies without having to sexually gratify a man or feel degraded. There's no reason that a woman should feel ashamed just because she's moving her body. She should feel strong confident and beautiful.

Hungry for that feeling I looked for a studio in Newark to no avail, not to be discouraged I found a studio that could be easily reached using the Path train. One block away from the 33rd street path station lies, Exotic Dance Central, a cozy inviting studio that welcomes " the everyday woman".

On their website, ExoticDanceCenter.com they boast that they're "NYC's number one pole and exotic dance central" and I don't argue with them. I've never seen dance studio with a martini bar. If my high school ballet studio had one I might have never hung up my toe shoes.

The Erotic Dance Center offers a 2hr pole dancing intensive lesson for 60 dollars. It seemed like a steal because the only other 3 studios that offered pole dancing charged that or more for just one hour. I figured with my strong background in dance and frugal leanings this was where I belonged.

Of course, I did modern, lyrical and jazz dance. If dance were Greek city-states, ballet would be Athens, and pole dancing would be Sparta - not historically accurate Sparta , but 8-pack-sporting-panty-wearing- Frank Miller- Sparta. A gravity defying full body work out.

Exotic Dance Central's website lets you book and pay for classes online, so I made sure to book the first available intensive after Thanksgiving, -- if there's ever a time you need an intense workout its after ingesting 5 different types of pies.

The website tells you what you can and cannot wear, I was happy to see that I needed stiletto heels that are least 3 inches high. Finally, my two favorite things were coming together, "f" me shoes and fitness. I was far less happy to read I had to wear a tank top; I usually have an issue showing my flab in public, or at least well-lit places. Luckily for me and other shy women, the classes are female only.

The class was small only 12 people including our friendly instructor Alieesah. The chorus line was full of interesting people, save myself. Before we started the workout Alieesah asked each of us what brought us to the class. I felt horribly shy for some reason, and mumble something about being a special event dancer.

A bad joke, sadly weddings and bat mitzvahs are the only special events in which I'm able to dance.

I found that one of the ladies was a bride-to-be and brought three of her friends along to kick off her bachelorette party. There were a group of ladies that actually looked like they stepped out of Greek lore; they were fitness instructors looking to bring pole fitness to their gym. I tried not to look at my gut every time they flexed their abs. There was a woman who had just came from Israel, and served in the army, next to her was a woman whose husband was due home from Afghanistan and she was looking for a special welcome home.

This interesting cast of women were all sitting on yoga mats waiting to feel the burn and having no idea what was coming to them. It was a strange calm, we all sat barefoot listening to the soothing music from our instructor's Ipod. She led us through a nice warm up, stretching each portion of ourselves. If it weren't for the cold steal of the pole touching my ankle when I stretched in second position on the floor, I would have forgotten that I was in a pole dance studio and not a ballet one. Barefoot , limber and sweaty I felt in my element.

That feeling fled once it was time to meet the pole. Alieesah began to talk about "pole burn" , the nickname for the friction between your skin and the pole. It is every bit as uncomfortable as it sounds. My first introduction to this sensation was during our first pole exercise. I was instructed to grab the pole well above my head, grasp tightly and lift my legs off the ground. Sounds easy to you? Well then you are not a portly young lady with the upper body strength of a dead quadriplegic.

As I gripped with all my might and tried to keep my legs up, I could feel my skin and the pole going to war, and the pole was winning. It was an odd feeling, I had to chose between my skin being stretched or being "that fat girl that fell during pole dancing class" every time that bride to the story of her last outing as a single woman.

I refused; I held on to that pole with all my might, unfortunately gravity was mightier.

Tumbles aside, I found myself having fun, especially at the one hour mark of the class when I got to put on my 6.5 inch heels. It was kind of cool being 6'3 and a half. While it was hard for me to get past the controlled chaos that is swinging on the pole, I had fun strutting around and feeling … surprisingly sexy albeit the most clumsy unattractive brand of Sexy, akin maybe to the No Frills section of Pathmark.

Pole dancing is hard, and there really is no way around it. It's a shame that most of the people that excel at this skill are only rewarded with sweaty crumbled bills. What they deserve is applause and flowers; sadly that's not the case, yet. Feminist protest aside, any workout than can turn a fat ass into six feet-three-inches and 250 pounds of walking sex piled on top of itself has to be worth looking into.


For More Information or to have a pole adventure of your own go to ExoticDanceCentral.com

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© Copyright 2009 Observer

R U A FAT ASS?

Getting Fit For FREE at Rutgers

Posted: 9/9/08

While most students were getting a head start on that freshman fifteen, I spent my summer trying to achieve the almost unachievable. I wanted to get fit and healthy while staying on a college campus.

This is no easy task, as many RU-Newark residents know, healthy living isn't exactly synonymous with the college lifestyle. Student life is full of stress, sitting on you butt trying to beat the latest 70-hour game and eating Funions as a meal. Funions are not a meal they are a cry for help.

I was no different; I was actually the pudgy poster child of the sedimentary lifestyle that plagues most college students.

As I reached the twilight of my undergraduate career something dawned on me, I didn't gain the freshman 15, for me it was more like the freshman 130. I was a cheese doddle away from washing myself with a rag on a stick. Something needed to be done -something drastic, but something inexpensive.

If my pockets were as fat as I was, I would have no problem; unfortunately, I was the broke college student trying to get by on a minimum wage job. My empty bank account was not all I had in common with the average college student.

"College students aren't thinking of being healthy," says Dr. Sandra Samuels, MD, Medical Director of the Rutgers Newark Health Center, " and that's the problem."

According to a 2007 study at the university of New Hampshire out of 800 students at least one-third were overweight or obese, 8 percent of men had metabolic syndrome, 60 percent of men had high blood pressure, and more than two-thirds of women were not meeting their nutritional needs for iron or calcium.

Not only are we as college students under the mental stress of achievement we are putting our bodies through abuse without much of a second thought. Did you ever go more than six hours without eating? Do you ever plan your meals ahead of time? Are you mindful of your daily caloric intake? Yeah...I wasn't either.

I needed to take the first step into making a lifestyle change. I went to the doctor an extremely important step. I visited the Health Clinic on campus, which is free for full time students. Together with the staff of the health center I was able to form a realistic goal and battle plan. My goal , drop 50 pounds by Sept. 1.

The Health center is a wealth of free info on nutrition as well as active living. It is even possible to see a nutritionist outside of the clinic for free; such visits are included in our student insurance.

"There should be more options" lamented Samuels, "There should be beautiful food that should be appetizing for students that way they have a clear choice away from hot dogs and hamburgers everyday."

According to Dr. Dawn Graff-Haight's Eating Well with No Time and Money which is distributed by ETR Associates, the most important thing you can do is have a plan. This tackles the 3 most common weight gaining and pocket shrinking habits- Skipping meals, depending on fast food and impulse food shopping.

Here in lies a critical step, planning and organization. This honestly was never my strong point, and the same goes for many students that are new to time management skills.

Dr. Samuels gave me a sample food diary page; in it I recorded everything I ate. I would use one of the numerous free online calorie counters to get a ballpark figure of my caloric intake. The food diary cut my days into breakfast, snack 1, lunch snack 2 and dinner.

When I began seeing my day cut into these meal times, I was able to begin planning what I would be eating a day ahead of time, as the weeks went on, I was making two week shopping lists because I knew exactly what I would be eating, giving myself enough variety not to get bored or crave quick fix junk.

Being an upper class man I depend on the grocery shuttle that is provided by public safety, many dorming students eat only in the cafeteria, You can still plan healthy choices even when the campus center is your only means of survival. There are many fresh fruit and salad choices.

I personally stocked up on Lean Cuisine meals, because of my class and work schedule cooking just seemed like too much of a chore. The prepackaged meal was perfect and available at many locations within walking distance from the dorms. They can even be purchased with your Raider Card in Raider Mart. They are slightly more expensive there than say FoodBasic but the location is the most convenient.

In the first week, just by watching what I ate I dropped 4 pounds, in just seven days. I was very impressed with what happened but I had set a goal to try to lose at least 50 pounds by the first day of the fall semester and I knew that changing your diet alone wasn't going to give me the result I needed. Losing weight is fine, but I didn't want to look like the elephant man after. I wanted to look good and not just weigh less.

I had to change my body; I asked my high school dance instructor what was the best way to do this. Her answer shocked me a bit, she said "The first step, Get a mirror, take off your clothes -all of them- and stare at every nook and cranny your body has. If you see something you don't like work those muscles."

This was the sage advice from a woman who in her sixties looks better than most women in their twenties so I decided to give it a go. I've never been so inspired to change in my life. When I saw myself all I could think was "Oh god, it looks like I'm melting!"'

After the initial shock wore off, I saw my body as clay to be molded. This is was my new canvas, and I learned to love my work in progress.

Now to work those muscles I needed to work out. Everyone knows gyms are not only expensive but for those of us without cars hard to get as well. Never fear fatty, our campus is rife with free ways to get fit.

Golden Dome gym, is the most obvious choice. Its open to all students, and free for full time students. They offer classes that you have to pay for but the weight room, fitness center and pool are all free to access. The first week that I went to golden dome ever weekday I dropped an amazing 18 pounds. Nothing keeps you on a treadmill like imagining yourself naked.

Now the gym experience is not for all, they have this pesky habit of having mirrors all around so not just you, but everyone, can see you flailing your plump appendages about like your having a seizure.

The gym shy can avoid humiliation by turning on the TV. FitTV channel 42 in the R-N dorms is a 24 hour fitness minded network. On there you can find any type of workout. On FitTV.com not only can you get nutritional tools and recipes for free but you can set email reminders so you don't forget to tune in and work out!

But not everyone brings a TV or computer to campus, According to Dr. Samuels this should be no problem. Students don't need to step foot off campus or in the gym get physical.

"Every building has stairs, walk around campus, go dancing on the weekends, there are many wonderful ways to casually keep moving," said Dr. Samuels.

One of the biggest pitfalls for many trying to win the battle of the bulge is an emotional one, that is the simple need for support. Unfortunately, I kick started my healthy habits while living alone in Talbot apartments. So I did what any pathetic mouth breathing fat nerd would do. I turned to the Internet and made a youtube group.

At the end of the summer I lost 53 pounds and gained a wealth of knowledge about not only how my body works but also how to keep it healthy. While I won't be posing in King Magazine anytime soon, I'm excited to finally take a step in the right direction. I hope that I can lose 50 pounds more by the start of the spring semester.

Let's face it, fitness is never going to be this cheap again.

Want to Be A Fat Ass No More?

Watch my summer Vlog for more details about

getting fit free & Rutgers Newark at www.youtube.com/group/fatassnomore